we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize