I'm gonna have a badass scar
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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