What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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