You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
