Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
