I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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