You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
