At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
