Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
