i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
