oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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