I am in a vortex of obligation.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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