my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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