My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
