How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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