the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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