I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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