i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
time to smoke my breakfast
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
