I could have mohawked her pubes.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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