Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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