My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
