He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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