Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
