What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I understand Curling. That high.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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