So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
