I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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