She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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