I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
