i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
