my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
