Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
