Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
