Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
This is my gift to your gina
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
