My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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