I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
