i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
