it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
