Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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