Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
