Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
there is glitter all over my balls
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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