just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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