So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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