He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
