You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
last night I used snow as a chaser
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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