Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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