There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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