i permit you to call me
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
