He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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