shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
