just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Dick very happy bro
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
