Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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