I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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