Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
