Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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