Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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