when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
