So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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