She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Is Oprah even human
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
