That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
