Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
