Got a toothbrush?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
