He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
