does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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