we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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